Moron Enterprises

China was a blast. We stayed in 5-star accomodations, which were not just 5-star in China. They were 5-star by American standards as well. The food was delicious and no one ended up getting sick from it. Some of us lost our tour group and had to take a taxi to catch up with the bus. We were constantly harassed by the local vendors trying to sell us crap, cool crap but crap nonetheless. Our lives were constantly in danger inside the taxi cabs. I think everyone had a fun time.

There was only one time that I truly felt like I was in China. It wasn’t at the Great Wall or Forbidden City. Those felt like tourist spots for sure, but nothing screamed China to me. The one time I felt like I was immersed in China was when we ditched our tour group to go to Shanghai early. We went to the bus station and there were locals everywhere, spitting and coughing. We thought we were going to catch bird flu. That is when I felt like I was in China. I’m sure the girls felt like they were in China more often with the squatty potties.

Ting Dao Girl

Cat wanted to go shopping, but the real department stores weren’t satisfying her need to bargain and take the souls of the local people. Since we were at a Starbucks, she decided to ask the Baristas, who had the best English of all the people we met so far.

Cat: Where can we do street shopping?
Barista: Street shopping?
Cat: You know, bargain shopping?
Blank stare.
Cat: You know when you say, “How much?” Then they say, “Fifty.” Then you say, “Twenty five!” They say, “Forty!” Then you say, “Ting daooooo! Ting daooooo!”
Blank stare with a slight smile.

We later found out the reason we weren’t getting a response was that what Cat thought meant “too expensive” was really “I hear you” in Chinese. She was so animated and excited when she said it though. She really believed her monologue with hand waving was going to get us to some great bargain shopping.

Chicken on a Stick is Gross

We had just left the bar after drinking copious amounts of alcohol and were getting into our cab with our meat on a stick. It’s the equivalent of selling hot dogs outside of the clubs in Los Angeles.

Michelle: Ewww, this chicken on a stick is gross. It has bones in it!
Matt: Give it to me then. I’ll hold it until we get back to the hotel.
A couple minutes pass.
Michelle: Give me the chicken on a stick.
Matt: You just said it was gross, remember?
Michelle: Oh yeah. That’s sick.
30 seconds pass.
Michelle: Are you going to eat your chicken on a stick?
Matt: You said it was gross. We’re going to throw it out.
Michelle: Well throw it out the window or give it to me!

Hepatits?

Michelle: What are the first signs of hepatitis?
Alice: Yellow eyes. Yellow skin.
Chris: Yeah, that’s Jaundice.
Michelle: Oh, because my foot is itchy.
Everyone: I think you just need to wash it. That’s Shanghai Foot!

A 300 RMB drink minimum will take you a long way in karaoke.

I have thirty minutes of clips I put into a long video. I figured no one wanted to watch the whole thing, but this one of Cat is a must see.