Moron Enterprises

I ran across an awesome infomercial for a device that is supposed to gyrate your hips while sitting at work.

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I’m tired, and each night I have been going to bed at 1:00 AM and waking up at 6:30 AM. Despite the small amount of sleep I am getting, I cannot get myself to fall asleep early. I’m just not tired. It’s a little tough to get up in the mornings, but once I am up I don’t feel tired at all, and I function fine throughout the day. It’s as if I no longer need a lot of sleep to function during the week.

I end up crashing on the weekends though, sleeping half of it away, if there’s nothing happening. If I have plans for the weekend, I sleep a little more but get going and keep up the same schedule without much sleep.

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Japan is known for its outrageous television, from game shows, to practical joke shows, to just ridiculous, nonsensical shows. They all make us laugh.

It’s awesome see contestant after contestant run full speed into an obstacle course even though slowing down would work much better. One after another they dash in with reckless abandon, despite being rather dangerous. On top of that, no one is free from the wild times, from women and children to old people, probably with heart conditions. No one seems to get angry though. It’s a way of life there, a better life.

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Well, I’m gearing up to make aggressive payments on the new home with my parents. In doing so, I have started to look over my past credit card statements to create a budget. Some conclusions I’ve come to are that I spend a lot of money on food and gas. This doesn’t even include my cash purchases, which is what I usually use when going out to bars. Going out on the town costs lots of money. It’s time to tighten up the belt. I will be eating sandwiches for lunch, possibly even a bowl of cereal. It will be tough, but you can all help me out as well.

First, when we hang out, we should always stay in as much as possible. This eliminates the high cost of buying drinks and food. When staying in, please try to host events at your places so I don’t have to use my electricity. In the event that we do have to have something at my place, please bring candles and car batteries if you want to do any activity involving electronics.

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Everyone is awed by Obama and his slogan, “Yes we can!” Yes we can, what? This guy is a charismatic speaker, but he has no substance. Caroline Kennedy has come out and likened him to her father, JFK. Are you kidding me? Who is buying this rubbish? Caroline was three, maybe four years old, when her father was killed. She knows nothing about her father’s political campaign other than what she was told. I don’t mean to speak ill of the dead, but the only reason Kennedy is heralded as so great and was able to push so much legislation through was that he was assassinated. His legislation was passed postmortem. Obama is no Kennedy.

Now, let’s get to the important stuff. I’ve stumbled across some gems of the Internet. If you’re looking for something to get for me as a gift for providing such great entertainment with this website, this list is not a good place to start.

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I stumbled across this old picture of Michelle and me and decided to scan  it and share it with the rest of you. Ignore the date on it. The day was July 4, 1998. You can see a neighborhood block party in the background. Some things to note are how skinny I am and the fact that I am taller than Michelle, despite standing on a lower portion of the street. She must have grown an extra inch or two during college. Look how happy and care free we were then.

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When the Internet first came around it was designed for communication. Email was the first big innovation. With email you could send information to anywhere in the world instantly. After email came instant messaging, popular with the younger generation. New ways to communicate with people were faster and cheaper.

Half a decade later the big push was commerce. Online stores popped up everywhere, and deal and coupon sites followed. They were going to allow consumers to purchase from their chairs at home for no additional cost. Convenience of a department store from the comfort of your home was what was advertised. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work all the time and people overextended their businesses. Everyone was so caught up in the hype that they never stopped to figure out how to ship a single 50 lb. bag of dog food for free. In the end, only a few major players survived the crash.

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Chinese New Year is coming up sometime soon I think. Can someone explain the Chinese zodiac to me? There are twelve animal signs, and you are assigned an animal based on your birth year. People born under the animal sign are supposed to have a certain personality type. That means everybody born the same year as me is going to have the same personality? The Chinese were able to build The Great Wall and yet this is the best they could come up with to explain personality traits? On top of that, look at the animals they chose.

Let’s start with the monkey, since this is the sign I am born under. Great choice here, China. Picking an animal that throws its own poo at people is a classy way to go. You may try to argue that these animals are smart beings, but monkeys also happen to drink their own urine and have horrible smelling rear ends. Assuming equal birth rates from year to year, one out of every twelve people is represented by this magnificent creature whose daily habits are closely tied to its bodily waste.

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I finally saw the house my parents just purchased, and as soon as I stepped into it, I realized why they had little memory of what the actual house looked like. As soon as you step into the house you can see the view. The pictures that I posted last time do not do the view justice. You can see the snow capped mountains, the city through downtown, and the coastline as far as Malibu on a clear day. I spliced together some photos that I took as well as some more of my mom’s photos. Click for bigger images.

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Well, we have Norm Chow working as our offensive coordinator. This might be a slap in the face for USC, but it’s not for Pete Carroll. The two never got along really. So how did UCLA pick up Norm Chow?

He was recently fired from his job with the NFL team, the Tennessee Titans. He wasn’t NFL material, but he has a proven track record for college football. That makes him a good candidate for UCLA’s restructured football program. On top of that, Norm Chow still has a 2-year contract, worth more than 1 million dollars a season. Whatever the difference is between what Chow is owed on the contract and  UCLA pays, the Titan franchise still has to pay. UCLA can pay Chow next to nothing for two years and have him on board. Thanks, Titans!