Moron Enterprises

I’m sure most of you are aware that the 1980’s was a big time for action movies, especially ones that dealt martial arts. So in order to feed the hunger for martial arts movies, American stars were coming out from everywhere to star in these films. One of the most notable ones that spun off multiple sequels was the American Ninja movie.

Now I know people don’t go to the movies to see realism. They go to the movies to escape reality, to see space adventures, a historic tale of epic proportions, or even a cheesy romance. In order for a movie to be good, even the fictional portions of it have to tie together well and seem believable. Americans running around as ninjas just doesn’t do it.

Ninjas are supposed to execute their art with stealth. Part of being stealthy would mean being aware of one’s surroundings and keeping oneself hidden. As an American ninja, you wouldn’t stand a chance against Asian ninjas. It’s just preposterous.

Take a look here at your American Ninja. His eyes are a dead give away when he is trying to hide in the night. He opens his eyes and you see bright blue spheres. This guy is just screaming for an arrow to the head.

Now take your Asian ninja. His eyes are barely noticeable, almost in the closed position, yet he sees everything. Good luck finding this guy in the woods a night. He sees you, American man, but once you look for him, you’re already dead.

Take a look again at the eyes of our two ninjas. The Asian one clearly has another advantage. The shape of his eyes stretches them further out along the front of his face. He has more field of vision. Try sneaking up on an Asian ninja. It’s not so easy, but our poor American friend is oblivious to the dangers around him.

So while these movies may have entertained millions of people, no one truly believed an American ninja could take on one, let alone an army, of Asian ninjas.