I’ve been getting request for updates on my site, mostly from a single individual, who doesn’t comment and doesn’t have a website of his own. He is a blog leech. To appease him so he doesn’t punch me in the forehead or ruin my tennis court with chin blood, I will post something of low caliber, but a post nonetheless.
The reason I haven’t been posting recently is because I have been swamped with work. The boss’ son has to do actual work! What a crock, huh? I need to figure out how to sit in my ivory tower and look down upon my minions, like Lord Sauron in Lord of the Rings.
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I’ll start this post by contradicting the title. Everyone is not in town. Michelle went to New York with her girl friends for a weekend trip. I was a free man this weekend. I didn’t shower or change my underwear. Ahh, the good life. I did get a chance meet up with some people that were in town.
Friday, before Michelle left for New York, Jessica came into Torrance to have dinner. She has back from China for a couple weeks. We showed her how cool Torrance had become with Del Amo having a Lucky Strike, Ra Sushi, and a BJ’s on its way in Summer 2008. We tried not to make America sound too cool before she had to go back to the Motherland to put lead into children’s toys.
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I’m tired of people commenting to me, “I thought you’d be better at Guitar Hero since you know how to play the real guitar.” What the hell? What if were to say the opposite? “Wow. You’re really good at Counterstrike. Have you ever thought of a career as a sniper in an anti-terrorism unit?” It’s nothing like a real guitar. It’s nothing like real music. It throws your rhythm of quite a bit when you don’t play to the beat. I’m pretty sure you can’t play a real song with half the notes too. Well fear no more, guitarded minions. There is Guitar Rising! I better go get my electric guitar back from my brother. I’m sure I could play with an acoustic, but that’s just not cool.
Girls never understand how painful it is to get hit in the crotch. To give you an example of how bad the pain is, if you asked a guy whether he would rather get hit in the face or the crotch with a baseball thrown from thirty feet away, most guys would answer the face is the better option.
The sensation of pain is so sharp and intense, and it does not stay located in the region of the crotch. Standing is impossible after a solid hit. Your limbs go numb and your body just collapses under its own weight. Your lungs tighten up and breathing becomes very difficult as your heart rate skyrockets. Your stomach cramps up as if you’ve just done hundreds of situps. I haven’t figured out the reason for this part, but your mouth goes completely dry too, like waking up from a morning of heavy drinking. Tears streaming down the face and vomiting often accompany harder hits to the crotch.
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Well, if you have been reading any news lately, you know that five undersea cables are out of commission in the world, all surrounding the Middle East. There are reports of limited to no connectivity in some areas. Fortunately it does not affect the United States. At first people thought that the cables were cut by boats dragging anchors, but there were no boats in the area, according to officials. Plus, you’d have to have some super boat to drag an anchor from the Mediterranean Sea, to the Persian Gulf, and finally to Malaysia. Something fishy is going on here. Some are speculating that someone is trying to isolate Iran from the world, but that’s all conspiracy theory at this time. Can you imagine how crippling this is to economies that rely on the Internet? No one would be getting technical support from India!
While this doesn’t affect us in the states, I began thinking what this would do to us if the United States had its cables cut. Most of the services we use are hosted in the states as well, but I’m sure some are outsourced to other countries. After I realized my web server is hosted in the United States, I stopped worrying. You would all still be able to get to my website. Plus we could finally say racist things about those people that live you know where.
Yesterday I watched the Super Bowl with Michelle. She did very well, only saying once that it was boring, before the game really got exciting in the last quarter. One of my favorite things to do with people that don’t know the rules of the game is to explain the rules incorrectly with made up terms. Michelle did not ask many questions though, except for the one about the quarterback’s wristband.
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There are some things going on with Michelle and myself currently, relationship issues. She denies it, but I think it resulted in the poking of my eye in the middle of the night. Fortunately, like most people, I sleep with my eyes closed, but damn that hurt. Yes, the violence continues. She says things are fine, but yet I keep getting attacked. I must have made her so mad that she’s buried it in her subconscious, and it manifests itself in half conscious aggression.
I think this all stems from the fact that Michelle hasn’t completely gotten over one of her loves. She is having a love affair with pho. It’s quite obvious that she is thinking of pho when she is with me. I even found the local pho restaurant hidden in her phone, filed simply under the letter P. Her Facebook profile picture is of her, eating pho. It doesn’t matter if she’s had pho twice during the week. She can’t get enough. I think professional counseling is in order for us to work out our food differences.
“Darius’ School of Kamikaze Driving. Motto: Death Before Yielding.”
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