Moron Enterprises

We have a renter for the old house. It all happened so quickly. Within a week we had a renter and had to clean up the old house in a hurry. Digging through all the old stuff I found some cool things. I dug up my baseball cards and comic books, which are completely worthless.

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ESPN wrote this story about true sportsmanship. This is the kind of touching underdog sports story that would bring a tear to your eye, that is if softball was actually a sport. I’ll save my tears for Rudy. Still, it is a great example of sportsmanship. It’s not all about winning, especially in women’s sports.

Well, it’s after midnight, and we’re not prepared for our trip to Taiwan that we have to leave for at 6:00 AM. I am at Michelle’s place right now, watching her pack while talking to herself. She’s delirious from a lack of sleep. After she pulls herself together and gets everything packed, I still have to head home and finish packing myself. It’s going to be a rough travel day tomorrow, but hopefully this lack of sleep will allow us to be right on Taiwan’s time.

I’m sad that I’m going to miss half of March Madness. I seriously don’t know what my brother was thinking, scheduling his wedding during NBA All Star weekend and this Taiwan trip during March Madness. It should be fine though. The Bruins will still be in it when I return. I know they won’t let me down, especially if they decide to deploy a defensive strategy such as this.

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Jim as Dwight: Question: What kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That’s a ridiculous question.
Jim as Dwight: False. Black Bear.
Dwight: Well that’s debatable, there are basically two schools of thought..
Jim as Dwight: Fact: Bears eat beets.
Dwight: Oh..
Jim as Dwight: Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica!

Fake Dwight is wrong. UCLA Bruins are best. Did anyone else catch the game last night? Against Stanford’s twin towers, the Lopez brothers, UCLA came back from an 11-point deficit with five minutes left in the regular game to triumph in an overtime victory to grab the PAC-10 title. While UCLA is good enough to not have to come back from behind, it shows great discipline for young men to be able to keep pushing even when things look down. That is good coaching.

Girls never understand how painful it is to get hit in the crotch. To give you an example of how bad the pain is, if you asked a guy whether he would rather get hit in the face or the crotch with a baseball thrown from thirty feet away, most guys would answer the face is the better option.

The sensation of pain is so sharp and intense, and it does not stay located in the region of the crotch. Standing is impossible after a solid hit. Your limbs go numb and your body just collapses under its own weight. Your lungs tighten up and breathing becomes very difficult as your heart rate skyrockets. Your stomach cramps up as if you’ve just done hundreds of situps. I haven’t figured out the reason for this part, but your mouth goes completely dry too, like waking up from a morning of heavy drinking. Tears streaming down the face and vomiting often accompany harder hits to the crotch.

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Yesterday I watched the Super Bowl with Michelle. She did very well, only saying once that it was boring, before the game really got exciting in the last quarter. One of my favorite things to do with people that don’t know the rules of the game is to explain the rules incorrectly with made up terms. Michelle did not ask many questions though, except for the one about the quarterback’s wristband.

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Well, we have Norm Chow working as our offensive coordinator. This might be a slap in the face for USC, but it’s not for Pete Carroll. The two never got along really. So how did UCLA pick up Norm Chow?

He was recently fired from his job with the NFL team, the Tennessee Titans. He wasn’t NFL material, but he has a proven track record for college football. That makes him a good candidate for UCLA’s restructured football program. On top of that, Norm Chow still has a 2-year contract, worth more than 1 million dollars a season. Whatever the difference is between what Chow is owed on the contract and  UCLA pays, the Titan franchise still has to pay. UCLA can pay Chow next to nothing for two years and have him on board. Thanks, Titans!

UCLA has fired coaches that don’t meet up to its historical athletic excellence. In recent years with the help of the Internet, UCLA fans have expressed their desire to get rid of coaches with poor performance records. Domains like loselavin.com, firetoledo.com, and firedorrell.com have been used to oust these coaches. UCLA’s newest football coach, Rick Neuheisel, will be much harder to get rid of in this same manner. No one is going to know how to spell his name. Can you imagine trying to type www.fireneuheisel.com into a browser? I just hope he is a sorely needed gem of a coach, but I don’t want to have to find that website. Go Bruins!

I don’t know when the last time I had a weekend to do nothing. I always say that I’m going to do nothing but end up doing lots of fun stuff. This weekend was no exception. Be sure to read the whole post for all the pictures and video highlights.

It started out Friday night with a trip down to Cal State Long Beach’s Pyramid to watch Michelle’s cousin Ashley play volleyball. She is on the women’s volleyball team, and her birthday is this week, so the whole family went to watch her play. They wiped the floor with Cal State Bakersfield, which was just what I wanted to see, because afterwards we got to go eat pizza. I haven’t has a victory pizza party in so long. Perhaps that is because I haven’t won anything in a long time.

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It’s not over yet, but if Major League Baseball heads into a World Series with Colorado and Cleveland, no one is going to care. No one from the west coast is going to root for Colorado, and no one from the east coast is going to root for Cleveland.

In the NBA, the eastern conference has teams coming up as potential powerhouses, and Kobe is still complaining. No one cares.

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