Moron Enterprises

All of you have heard of The Offspring. Even if you’re not into the genre of music, I’m pretty sure you’ve heard the song, Pretty Fly for a White Guy. Their lead singer is known as Dexter Holland. He is known for his characteristically unique vocals. He earned the nickname for being incredibly smart, and his track record proves it. He was valedictorian of his high school. He received a Bachelor’s degree in biology and a Master’s degree in molecular biology, both from USC. He declined the pursuit of a PhD in order to work with his band. How awesome is that?

To top it off, the guy has his own hot sauce line. It’s kind of a strange business to get into, especially since there are thousands of hot sauces to choose from on the shelves. You can try Gringo Bandito at any Wahoo’s Fish Taco or you can buy it at Albertsons. I love how all the testimonials are from rock stars.

Read more »

Take that, you doubters! First I sang my way to a 99% score on Radiohead’s Creep. Then I played drums and sang to the same song without getting booed off the stage. Finally, Michelle and I accomplished what everyone told us would be impossible. We beat a song on medium level in Rock Band. Despite overwhelming odds against us (Michelle hurt her hand drumming), we triumphed in the rock star arena. I feel like I could play an actual instrument on stage in front of thousands of people, but then I remember this is just a video game. Believing that I am a true rock star is as much of a twisted dream as people that play World of Warcraft thinking they can be part of an army of mythical creatures, roaming virtual worlds.

Still, I have a new found love for Rock Band. Despite the awkwardness of not being like the real instruments, it’s a game that pumps you up so much that it’s really recommended that you don’t play within thirty minutes of your bed time. Showers are also recommended after intense rock sessions. With some practice my skills will increase, and I will say to all those people who doubt me, “Whatever, man. I’ll kick your ass…online.”

I’m tired of people commenting to me, “I thought you’d be better at Guitar Hero since you know how to play the real guitar.” What the hell? What if were to say the opposite? “Wow. You’re really good at Counterstrike. Have you ever thought of a career as a sniper in an anti-terrorism unit?” It’s nothing like a real guitar. It’s nothing like real music. It throws your rhythm of quite a bit when you don’t play to the beat. I’m pretty sure you can’t play a real song with half the notes too. Well fear no more, guitarded minions. There is Guitar Rising! I better go get my electric guitar back from my brother. I’m sure I could play with an acoustic, but that’s just not cool.